REVELATION!!

Today, the Obama administration revealed the full, certified copy of Mr. Obama's long-form Birth Certificate.  The document reveals that his father, Barack Obama senior was NOT married to Stanley Ann Dunham at the time of birth, no surprise there, but also that he was NOT born in Hawaii as previously stated.  His actual place of birth was on an airliner, bound for Hawaii from the Philippines, and he was delivered by medical personnel who happened to be aboard, some 30,000 feet in the air, and a thousand miles from Hawaii.
This revelation makes his Constitutional elegibility to be the President of the United States "extremely doubtful," according to White House sources who requested anonymity.  Both houses of Congress and the members of the Supreme Court are in recess, and no action is to be expected until after the Easter break.

Of local interest, Portland's beleaguered mayor, Sam Adams, has submitted his resignation early this afternoon, citing "insurmountable issues of incompetence" as his only reason.  He stated he plans to travel to San Francisco and Fire Island, New York for "rest and recuperation."  As one of the nations's first openly homosexual mayors, Mr. Adams also garnered recognition as having the patience to wait until a "positively delicious" male staffer turned 18 before Adams made any serious romantic overtures, thus avoiding the dreaded "Goldschmidt Syndrome."

When asked for comment, Oregon's governor Ted Kulongoski answered: "Zzzzz-*snork* huh-wha-what?"



*Sigh.*  If only today were'nt April 1st.