| Month | Cultural Celebration |
| January | Lunar New Year and Martin Luther King, Jr. Day (Who Cares? Too cold to do anything, anyway.) |
| February | Black History Month (Oh, sure, give 'em the shortest month!) |
| March | Women's History Month (Pamprin, anyone?) |
| April | Multi-Cultural Communication Month ( R U K M? ROFLMAO) |
| May | Asian Pacific Heritage Month ( Cinco de Moro?) |
| June | LGBTQ2 Pride Month (Lesbian-Gay-BiTrans-Queer-Questioning) Oh, this is too easy. When's Judy Garland Day? |
| July | Independence Day Celebration (only one lousy day?) |
| August | Celebrating Culture Through Food: Cook-Off ( Free Pepsid Day?) |
| September | Hispanic Heritage Month and Racial Equality Week* (Ummm..isn't that an oxymoron?) |
| October | Disability Employment Awareness Month (Hear that, Starbucks?) |
| November | American Indian Heritage Month (Enslave your neighbor day?) |
| December | Human Rights Day (nee Pearl Harbor Day: too Asian-insensitive?) |
No other "day" no other "week" no other "month" seems worth the city's time, such as, oh, Thanksgiving Day, Christmas Day, Veteran's Day, Memorial Day, Presidents' Day, Patriots' Day (September 11) and all the rest. Except Earth Day, of course. Gotta celebrate Earth Day in Portlandia. Go big green!
I may not multi-culti enough for wide-open Portland, BUT, due to my mixed "racial" heritage, I guess I can celebrate Womens' history Month , Multi-Culti Month, Independence Day, Hispanic Heritage Month, American Indian Heritage Month, and St. Patricks Day, at the very least.
* Validating "heritages" only encourages ethnic separatism, not American inclusivity**. The "melting pot" has been debased to become a virtual panoply of separatism. For example, if my grandson happens to be the son of a black man and a non-black woman, should he celebrate Kwanzaa only every other year? Since one of my ancestors was Mexican, one Amerind, one French, one Irish, one English, and one Norwegian, can I get a government grant to keep my insides from warring with my outsides? And why don't I have one brown eye? Is "gray" really a legal hair color? In the summer, after I've tanned, can I list my "race" as "ecru;" or in January, when I'm cold, as "mauve?" Why not?
One Language: English
One Nationality: American, unhyphenated!
One Culture: Liberty
Don't let 'em sell you anything different.
| **inclusivity (ˌɪnkluːˈsɪvɪtɪ) -n | |
| the fact or policy of not excluding members or participants on the grounds of gender, race, class, sexuality, disability, etc. -World English Dictionary; http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/inclusivity | |
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