CHEVROLET? CHECK. APPLE PIE? CHECK. BASEBALL? OH HELL, NO!

Four self-aggrandizing U.S. Senators, and I'll let you guess from which party, but I will give you some clues:  Which party orchestrated the Federal takeover of GM and subsequent financial shafting of shareholders and taxpayers alike?  Which party forces their concept of an acceptable diet onto all public schools and private restaurants in every city in the United States except Washington, D.C.?  Got it?  Good.  These four guardians of freedom wrote a letter to "ask" that all Major League Baseball players acquiesce to their decidedly non-Constitutional, overreaching demand:

"Tomorrow night, an expected 15 million viewers, including many children, will tune in to watch the first game of the series. Unfortunately, as these young fans root for their favorite team and players, they also will watch their on-field heroes use smokeless tobacco products," wrote the Senators. "During the upcoming negotiations over the bargaining agreement, we write to ask that the Major League Baseball Players Association agree to a prohibition on the use of all tobacco products at games and on camera at all Major League ballparks. This would send a strong message to young baseball fans, who look toward the players as role models, that tobacco use is not essential to the sport of baseball."

Ahh, the new Volstead Act;  we all remember how well the original solved the problem of public liquor sales.  Or don't you remember Al Capone, Elliot Ness, and "Papa" Joe Kennedy?

The 24k gold answer from former Commissioner of Baseball Clements "Babe" Yastrzemski III?

"For decades hundreds of millions of Americans, including many children, have tuned into the news to watch the American political process at work. Unfortunately, as these young Americans root for the party and players the mainstream media insist are their favorites, they have also learned through non-mainstream media sources that their in-office heroes have all too frequently engaged in extra-marital sex," wrote the ex-Commissioner. "During the upcoming elections over who will hold offices in Washington, we here in baseball are calling on all politicians to agree to a prohibition on extra-marital sex and inappropriate behavior while serving in public office in Washington, D.C. This would send a strong message to young Americans, who we are assured by the mainstream media look to liberal politicians in particular as role models, that sex outside marriage is not essential to the conduct of good government."

I love that guy!

-neon leon

p.s. In a related development, ESPN fired longtime commentator Max Mercy for quickly dubbing a possible agreement between the four senators and Major League Baseball as the "Screw and Chew" rule.