TRANSLATING THE TRANSLATORS

As the 2012 election races heat up, this handy guide will help you understand what various newscasters mean when you hear them use these key phrases during debates:

LIBERAL NEWS:                                        CONSERVATIVES: 

Arsenal of Weapons                                                   Gun Collection

Delicate Wetlands                                                         Fetid Swamp Undocumented Worker                                    Illegal Criminal Alien Unregistered Voter                                           Illegal Criminal Alien

Cruelty-Free Material                                  Chinese Synthetic Fiber

Assault and Battery                                            Attitude Adjustment

Heavily Armed                                                           Well-protected

Narrow-minded                                                       Has Solid Morals

Taxes or Your Fair Share                                             Coerced Theft

Commonsense Gun Control                            Gun Confiscation Plot

Illegal Hazardous Explosives                                              Fireworks

Non-viable Tissue Mass                                                Unborn Baby

Equal Access to Opportunity                                              Socialism

Multicultural Community                                        High Crime Area

Fairness or Social Progress                                                   Marxism

Upper Class or "The Rich "                                         Self-Employed

Progressive, Change                                     Big Government Scheme

Homeless or Disadvantaged                        Bums or Welfare Leeches

Sniper Rifle                                                      Deer Rifle with scope

Investment For the Future                                              Higher Taxes

Healthcare Reform                                             Socialized Medicine

Extremist, Judgmental, or Hater                                     Conservative

Truants                                                                       Homeschoolers

Victim or Oppressed                                     Criminal or Lazy Loafer

High Capacity Magazine                        Standard Capacity Magazine

Religious Zealot                                                       Church Member

Fair Trade Coffee                                      Overpriced Yuppie Coffee

Exploiters or "The Rich "                         Employed, or Land Owner

The Pro-Gun Lobby                                                   NRA Members

Assault Weapon                                         Semi-Automatic handgun

Fiscal Stimulus                                               New and Higher Taxes

Same Sex Marriage                                            Legalized Perversion

Mandated Eco-Friendly Lighting          Chinese Mercury-Laden CFL

Accepted Fact                                                              Horse manure

Hat Tip:  Dr. GOG

-neon leon