GLOBAL WARMING ALERT !!!!

(AP)  The IPCC today issued a Stage Three Global Warming Alert to the EPA headquarters in Washington, D.C.  The Stage Three Alert raised fears that Man-Caused, or Anthropogenic, Global Warming (AGW) could cause temperatures in the East Coast including the Washington, D.C. area to skyrocket into the low 40's by mid-April unless drastic countermeasures are implemented immediately.  No response was given by officials at the EPA headquarters, due to the closure of all Federal offices as a result of the discovery of several feet  of an unidentified white powdery substance blanketing the area.  All attempts to contact the switchboards failed due to overloaded answering systems  An emergency call was placed to Al Gore's Tennessee residence, but was unanswered at the time of this publication.  Further details will be made available as soon as they become known.