On the local scene, mayor and Harvey Milk acolyte Sam Adams of Portland has unveiled a master plan to spend more than 620 million taxpayer dollars on bicycle paths and "scenic routes" throughout the Rose City, an amount just a few paltry tens of millions in excess of the cost of the last commuter train line, commonly known as "Tracula" for its neverending ability to suck the lifeblood out of taxpayers who are coerced into subsidizing fares. But the best part is that the bicyclists who will receive 100 percent of the benefits of these bike routes will not be required to pungle up so much as a dime for the construction nor maintenance of these bike thoroughfares. Who will get stuck for the tab? Why, you silly, property owners, of course! His plan is to raise funds through increasing taxes on real estate inside the metro area so that bike messengers, lycra-shorts fans, and sanctimonious eco-nazis can strut their stuff at no cost to themselves. In the good old days, that sort of "wealth redistribution" was called "Socialism," but now is referred to as a "green initiative" or some such touchy-feely line of fish guts.
All this stems from a City Council mindset that bicycles, and bicycle operators, should have an innate immunity to licensing, certification of ability, knowledge of traffic laws, liability insurance, and an entire litany of financial responsibilities levied upon all motor vehicle operators from mopeds to semi-trucks. The council firmly believes that all bicyclists are Richie and Potsy, innocently pedaling to high school on side streets and are all being diligent to obey each and every "Stop" and "Yield" sign along the way, or they are cute little 3rd-graders, fledging off their training wheels for the first time, all of which is a nice fantasy, and wholly inaccurate.
Remember, Sam: "Gas, Grass, of A$$, NOBODY Rides For FREE!"
Wait, it gets better. In overtures to the city employees' unions (don't get me started on the idiocy of having unions for public-service employees) per upcoming contract negotiations, one carrot being discussed, no, really, is....wait for it.....a change in healthcare benefits to include....are you ready? $50,000 in benefits for "Gender Reassignment Surgery!" I can now truly say that I've heard everything. What better way to pi$$ away taxpayers' money than to offer sex-change operations as a perk? Council. Rail. Tar. Feathers. Minor assembly required.
I just love knowing that 100% of the money that I earn and pay as taxes is being so wisely and conscientiously managed. How about you? Are YOU better off now than you were 4 Trillion Dollars ago? I wish I drank.
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