Lemme Axe You a Question...

Today, I received a glowing e-mail from the superintendent of Portland Public Schools with this good news:  by utilizing 22 MILLION Dollars of "reserves," we can expect a continuance of the same high caliber of education our school kiddies deserve.  For example, and according to their own website: http://www.pps.k12.or.us/news/4317.htm

A full 85% of Portland Public School students exceed state averages in grade-level competencies in math!  At least, they do in 3rd grade.  By 10th grade, however, a mere 56% can meet or exceed state "benchmarks."  Now, if you got a test score of 56% on your driver's license exam,  what result would you expect?  Hint:  the correct answer involves the words "public transportation" or "pedestrian."

It gets better, fellow taxpayer: In the area of  reading,  a full 85% of third-graders exceed the state benchmarks!!  Tenth graders, ehhh,  not so much:  a modest 67% manage to meet state standards.   For those of you who learned math in a Portland Public School, that means that one third of Portland tenth graders cannot read at a tenth grade level.  They prefer to watch Jon Stewart and Southpark.

How about science?  Well, the 5th-graders are doing well, at 73% meeting state goals.  We used to call that a "C," back in the good ol' letter-grade days. By the time they get to 10th grade, however, nearly HALF ( 48%)  are unable to meet state standards.  These are your future pharmacists, engineers,  and heart surgeons.  And DMV workers, City Hall employees, Politicians, and even Governors, I might add.

The good news, fellow taxpayer, is that in writing, that chimeral ability to pen a cohesive, cogent, intelligible  paragraph, remains relatively even throughout the whole school experience:  50% of 4th graders cannot meet state requirements, whereas merely 46% of tenth-graders are unable to write anything more comprehensive than gang graffiti.

So, pony up, taxpayer!  Our schools are in desperate need of newer buildings, more and better free lunches, improved retirement perks, more administrative staff, and shorter school years.  Am I missing anything?  Oh, yes:  let's simply lower the state standards, so more students can feel good about their high-school experience. 
Oh, and Dr. Kitzhaber claims to have a plan to "repair" our state's educationa;l system, if, and only if, he can "find the money."

Problem Solved.